Surge again, back at it once more with another review. This one is a lot more surface-level compared to my RE4 Remake trainwreck.

I remember being incredibly hyped for the game after playing the demo over a decade ago now, then never playing it because I had completely forgotten it was coming out. At some point I started watching TBFP and heard them shitting on the game, which made me think, “That sucks to hear it’s a bad game, I thought it looked awesome.”

Now, after 11 years, I’ve seen the game’s story all the way through. Is it as bad as they said it was? Nah.

I don’t know if Asura’s Wrath is notorious enough for a ‘needs no introduction’, so I’ll keep it brief:

Asura’s Wrath is a 2012 Action game by Capcom, if you missed QTEs in RE4 Remake then this game will make up for it in spades. It is a playable anime, braindead anime chuds who disparage Dragon Ball on Eli Mask’s bird app dot com probably think Goku is just like Asura. Broly is clearly the better fit.

STORY

The game follows Asura, one of 8 Guardian demigods who are tasked with protecting Gaea, which is just Earth. He is framed for a murder and is cast down to Naraka. A golden spider coaxes him to climb back to the world of the living; from then on, he screams and punches at everything in sight. His only goal: to rescue his now captive daughter.

The story has significant issues with its scope, it starts in space, fighting with a literal star fleet that fires upon demons rising from Gaea. The chapter concludes with a massive monster that emerges from the planet’s core; it is shot with a soul-powered god cannon. Clearly, subtlety isn’t something this game cares about. You get a flashback to Asura beating up red-veined gorillas and elephants a little bit later. Maybe working our way up to the space battle would have been a bit a better, then again, ‘subtlety’.

Asura doesn't change in any significant way for the majority of the story, he simply gets angrier as his journey goes on, gets a few transformations, and eventually sates his rage. His goal to save his daughter Mithra comes above all else, Deus's villainous goals are only challenged by Asura because he has the young girl captive. As the final act unfolds, his goal is to liberate the world from any sort of meddling by the Gods, but only to make Gaea a better place for his daughter. He never grows into the role of a true guardian for humanity, but with Asura being constantly portrayed as a boorish, emotionally immature warrior, it's the right choice to make for the story.

Yasha is the only other character worth talking about at any real length, but even that is a very generous statement. He is another of the 8 Guardians, he is also Mitra's Uncle, making him Asura's brother-in-law as well as rival. He goes along with the Deus's evil scheme until he witnesses the human loss and selfishness of 'the cause'. His relationship with Asura starts as antagonistic but eventually softens as he realizes he and Asura can work towards own goals together; his being stopping Deus, and Asura's being the freeing of Mithra.

Wyzen is the Fat Evil that Asura blows up with a haymaker.

Kalrow is the Old Evil that Asura puts in a trash compactor.

Augus is the Sensi Evil that Asura fights on the Moon to Symphony No. 9 (From the New World)

Sergi is the Steve Blum Evil that Asura kills in a non-QTE cutscene.

Deus is the Main Evil that Asura beats down in Buddhist Space Colony Ark.

Olga is the Hot Evil that Asura doesn't get to punch because she dies from a bug bite.

GAMEPLAY

Asura’s Wrath is structured like an anime, with mid-chapter bumpers to drive the aesthetic home. Between cutscenes of dramatic stake-raising villain dialogue, there’s QTEs to make sure you’re paying attention before you get into the very basic and not-that-fun combat. Every chapter is bookended with a dramatic ‘To Be Continued…’, I appreciate it because I am old and don’t like playing games for too long anymore.

The game would be better if the entire thing was just QTEs and I’m not even kidding. The combat is light attack, heavy attack that has a cooldown, and a rapid-fire shooting attack that grounds you to the floor. Timing the QTE presses perfectly is infinitely more satisfying than running around and punching stuff freely. The difficulty doesn't really increase the further you get into the story, dying isn't really a concern as long as you're hitting the attack buttons until the Burst Meter fills up.

It's very strange to say 'less gameplay please' in the era of walking Third-person cinematic action games, but Asura's Wrath is all spectacle and little substance. Just show me a good time and test me with timed QTEs, those scripted hyper-fights are the best parts of the game anyways.

MUSIC

The music is great, it has a grandiose to it that makes it feel like you're fighting against beings far greater than an average human. I especially love the game's leitmotif. I don't know how to review music, I'm stronger when talking about story and gameplay.

There are two stark breaks from the game's OST, those being Augus's boss track and Yasha's theme. You fight Augus to the tune of "Symphony No. 9 (From the New World)", it gives the fight less of a 'the world balance hinges on this fight' feeling and more of a 'I want to beat this grinning old man so damn bad he has no choice but to respect me' aura. As it accompanies the ridiculous visuals of a brawl on the Moon, it just feels too perfect of a choice; I hope whoever made the decision got a kickass bonus on his check. Yasha's theme has an Old Western flare to it, the decision is bizarre and nothing else in the soundtrack has such a wild tonal deviation like it. I can't say I like it, but I won't kick it out of bed either. There's nothing Western about his design or personality, it's truly a mysterious choice.

CLOSING

Asura’s Wrath is C-tier action anime schlock that has energy beams, screaming, and a whole lot of punching. I adore this game and appreciate how it earnestly embodies ‘meathead Shonen with an emotional core’. I had fun playing this game, I haven’t seen any spoilers for it after all this time. If you want a mindless and silly game to play in between big releases, and don’t mind button mashing, I recommend picking it up on sale for $10 or under.

Asura’s Wrath gets a

Deliciously edgy Liam O’Brien scream/10

Wowie part 2 of talking about this game just fuckin' make it stop tee-hee haha.

Talking about these two videos, and by extension their publishers, is merely just an exercise to express my thoughts on the hit video game Resident Evil 4 (2023) in their entirety. I do not mean to draw ire towards the creators, nor do I believe they deserve hate for their opinions and coverage of the game. Gaming isn't that serious and hate campaigns that go on in this hobby are the corniest, most pathetic shit to bear witness to. Just buy a $20 skin for a game you barely play like a man and shut up already.

First video on my docket:

 Resident Evil 4 Remake Adds Dumb & Unnecessary Weapon Upgrade Microtransactions...

A video by YongYea

This video from videogame news channel YongYea covers the post-launch additions of microtransactions, those being the Exclusive Upgrade Tickets from your preferred gaming digital storefront. To call them ‘pay-to-win in nature’ feels odd, seeing how the game is exclusively a single-player game. They are closer to ‘pay-to-skip’ however, rather than grinding money and collecting loot to sell so you may buy the ‘exclusive’ upgrade for any given weapon, the tickets allow you to acquire it right away. These purchasable tickets can negatively impact the experience of the player by giving a significant boost to a weapon early in the game, but the game does NOT punish you for not buying them. In my time playing game, there wasn’t a moment where I felt like the game was stonewalling my progress to the point where I felt like it was unfair. These tickets will, at most, allow your guns to kill enemies a tad faster than normal, the difficulty of the game will not suddenly melt away.

Yong does make a fair point about cheat codes disappearing from games, which sort of kills that vintage aspect that made older games so replayable, but these tickets don’t really fit that bill either. They do not max out weapons like a cheat code potentially could, they really just make a preferred weapon stronger, typically in the damage department; you still have to upgrade the rest of the weapon the old-fashioned way, with dead folks’ coin purses. Cheat codes may have died, but PC modding has broken the throne it used to sit on with its huge swollen ass cheeks. You can mod games to absolutely insane levels nowadays, the RE Engine games are apparently incredibly easy to make mods for; if I weren’t so lazy I’d play on PC just to have the luxury of wild mods, alas I just want to play games and turn them off, adjusting settings for a game so it runs at 60fps sounds miserable even if it only takes a minute or two.

Capcom has offered similar DLC items in most of their previous games after launch, RE7 & 8 have DLC packs that unlock all of the title’s bonus rewards, for example. This is only a news headline because RE4R is a massively popular title at the moment (no shade to YongYea btw), it’s not even a new thing Capcom is doing. As someone with a couple of bucks to burn, I bought a 3-pack of Exclusive Tickets to make my S+ Professional run go faster; I do not enjoy the difficulty mode and think it drags the title down to a lower ranking in my eyes. After I finish my current Professional run without bonus weapons (with Cat Ears) I will never play the difficulty again. (Future edit, I beat Professional without bonus weapons and now I’ve finally put the game down, what an annoying and irritating difficulty.)

soul vs soulless Resident Evil 4 comparison

A video by Crowbcat

This video by brutal game critic and hit YouTube sensation Crowbcat compares the original GameCube release of Resident Evil 4 to its latest 2023 release. I imagine most people in the gaming space have seen/talked about it already, but so have I and that’s why I’m writing about it in this 2-part, way-too-fuckin’- long review of a game I’m already sicking of seeing and hearing about. So, let’s start with the most valid and, I believe, irrefutable edge the original has over the remake:

-The difference in the ambient sound is very apparent and a genuine criticism, to deny or justify that is ridiculous; the recent RE games are quiet very quiet, it may be an intentional decision to get the audience to up their audio for deeper immersion, and to make loud jump-scares even more so, but the audio is mixed low. RE 7 is the last game in the franchise I can remember having great atmosphere, I can still easily recall walking into the basement/Processing Area for the first time: after Ethan forces the folding door open there was a loud popping-sound from the ceiling, I remember jumping and whipping the camera around to see nothing. It was just a regular noise houses make when they settle, the atmosphere spooked me so bad the cheap audio scare genuinely got me.

-The differences in the map layout are interesting to see, the original has more open sight lines whereas the remake has more mountains that obscure more of the village. It may be to save on resources needed to render farther off buildings, as well as hide loading as you approach new areas. These changes, I feel, still retain the isolated feel of the original RE4: in the original, the more open sight lines make you feel as if this village is far off the beaten path and would be near-impossible to find without a guide because of its remoteness. The remake makes it feel as if it’s tucked away in the mountains and difficult to get to without someone knowledgeable of the area to help you traverse the land.

-Comparing cutscenes is also interesting because they highlight different directing and camera work, with most of them still retaining the same tone. 4 original is definitely more stylish and over the top like an action movie, the remake is more reserved with showing off its ridiculousness, usually in favor of genuine character interactions instead. Comparing QTE cutscenes that have fail-states, to scripted cutscenes meant to be seen a specific way, is a puzzling choice that is more critical of the game’s interactivity than its screenwriting and cinematography.

Though the video has more valid criticisms in it, in the spirit of Crowbcat, I will specifically target the comparisons I don’t like and label them as “dishonest” or “irrelevant” without an ounce of nuance. I will also be ignoring comparisons that counter my narrative of “Crowbcat is dead wrong” for they are inconvenient to acknowledge.

• The opening sequence, titled “He’s not a zombie” in the video gives all you need to know about Crowbcat’s ire for RE4 Remake. It’s similar but not 1:1, it takes creative liberties while still respecting the original intent. Making the player deal with the ‘crimson head’ Ganado first tells new players “He’s not a zombie, be careful” and veteran players “They’re not dead because you put them down like before, be thorough.” Most gamers have played a Third Person Shooter at this point, we know how to play them, showing them where the real threat is isn’t a negative.

• Mendez’s introduction. He’s alone and towering over Leon in the remake, easily dispatching the player character. Less action movie flare, still demonstrates Mendez’s strength and the threat he will be.

• Mendez doesn’t jump through a window to chase Ada; again, less ridiculous action, Mendez still leaves the scene so the player can resume without him in the room. He appears more pragmatic and less like an attack dog in the remake.

• “No sex discrimination here” was established with the zealots sacrificing a woman in the intro cutscene. The Ganado are fairly hygienic for a parasite-controlled populous, why would they just leave up a pitchforked woman? They even clean up the charred police officer when you return to the village.

• The post Del Lago talk with Hunnigan has Leon sound less like a wannabe playboy and like a guy just ready to continue his mission. Capcom clearly wants Leon to be snarky and sarcastic while having women’s advancements towards him either unreciprocated or ignored due to his obliviousness. “No rizz” as they say.

• El Gigante being awakened by a Zealot may not have the same bombastic as a slew of Ganado being slaughtered with ease, but it highlights that the monster is so uncontrollable that they locked it up and isolated it to be forgotten.

• The church escape is written entirely different because Saddler doesn’t show up to confront the duo in the remake. They sneak out because they are surrounded almost immediately, the cutscene also establishes that Ashley is blindly trusting Leon out of necessity, and that Leon won’t fail her. In the original, the cutscene is used to establish 1: Saddler is man behind all the happenings and 2: Ashley and Leon are infected with Las Plagas. The cutscenes establish that the duo are infected with the plaga by way of seeing Saddler’s order to stop Ashley and Leon’s escape. The remake’s plaga-based telepathy shows Saddler’s reach with the plaga, he isn’t present because he doesn’t need to be.

• The first save room shown with Ashley is no longer a save room in the remake, of course the save music isn’t in there. Also, still hammering away at that long sunk in “Audio is different” nail.

• Leon (more the player) perving on Ashley is highlighted. Choosing to respect their female characters by taking out the ability to upskirt them doesn’t make game worse or Capcom ‘woke’, it is a good way to make people out themselves as weirdos, however. Regardless of devs’ decisions, people have been commenting on her (and Ada’s) jiggle physics for a week now at the time of typing this; no number of creative changes will stop horny modders (god bless them).

• The exemption of Ashley's objectification by Luis is sort of portrayed as a negative. Luis addresses Ashley in a demeaning way by just referring to her as ‘senorita’, as if she’s entirely helpless and without autonomy. The same goal for the scene was achieved as the original, without a gratuitous shot of Ashley's chest beefers.

• Mendez’s eye drop. Though it popping out of his skull is objectively flatter and goofy looking, it is no longer an important key item to escape the village, it doesn’t justify having a cutscene of Leon picking it up.

• The bridge to the castle was destroyed by the Ganado in the remake, Leon and Ashley couldn’t possibly be chased into the castle that was conveniently left open for anyone to trespass into. The gate raising behind them eludes to someone besides Mendez watching their every move. As if to say they aren’t going to be any safer inside its walls.

• The Castle’s infamous Water Room in the remake is depicted to be larger and more empty. Enemies arrive as you make some way into the room and continue swarming you in waves for the duration of your time there. It seems to be made that way to very casually toy with veteran players’ expectations and not completely overwhelm new players.

• The fight between Leon and Ada is more of a back and forth in the remake, it shows they are both skilled in close encounters and that maybe Ada had underestimated how much Leon has grown since she last saw him as a rookie cop. Same effect was achieved, it was just done with a choreographed dance instead of a slow-motion flip.

• Saddler and Salazar are pretty different in the remake. Saddler is more of a straight-forward, zealous cult leader and is missing that aura of “snake oil salesman pretending to be a religious leader to achieve ulterior motives.” His threats to spread Las Plagas feel genuine now.

• Salazar is overall less of a prankster that taunts Leon and is more of an elite that turns his nose up to him. The changes give them less of an iconic presence compared to the original, but they fit better in a story together, Salazar feels more like he’s under Saddler’s thumb compared to his wildcard original counterpart.

• Mendez’s comparison uses two different scenes that are hours apart in the story. The comparison makes him look more fleshed out as his role of Saddler’s religious confidant in charge of the village and its going-ons. The comparison makes original Mendez look more generic as ‘big guy with weird voice.’

• The Zealot chanting comparison isn’t accurate. In the original game it takes place in the hall after the Water Room section, in the remake Crowbcat used footage of the room that seems to be the replacement for the Gatling Gun room, this being the room with the Chandelier that can be dropped. The correct comparison for the remake would be back at the entrance of the castle, where a Red Zealot and a group of other cultists are waiting for you to backtrack for treasure. Crowb-am’s razor suggests they didn’t do their due diligence and were lazy when making this comparison. Or maybe it was just a soulless grab for another negative comparison.

• Verdugo shakes his finger in disapproval in the original whereas the remake version taunts you to come at him. He is Salazar’s dedicated bodyguard and assassin, neither version feels better or worse, I suppose the finger wag is sassier.

• Merchant’s voice comparison is entirely a waste of time, all the lines are there, he’s just less raspy. Not being able to kill him is a moot point, who gives a shit?

• Reload animations are different and less satisfying in the remake in general, you’re not stuck in place and forced to look at them anymore so the key features of what make a reload satisfying in a game seem to have been less important. A bit unfortunate, I care more about how fast it’s reloaded compared to *how* it’s reloaded. I’m not standing still long enough to see them anyways.

• Leon doesn’t handspring up after a suplex, I imagine it’s because the new stand up animation blends better with movement and aiming animations. Another stylistic change.

• Death animations for chainsaw kills are different and lack any significant gore, instead going for blood and brutality. Garradors and the Ganado can still decapitate Leon, they can even slice him in half if the right conditions are met; the gore is still there, just in different areas.

• The dog death is still the same, the struggle animation is different probably because you’d be dead immediately if a wolf was ravaging your neck.

• The comparison made in the Ashley segment is completely disingenuous and made me discredit any validity the video has in its entirety. The scene from the original game was right after you solved the slide puzzle, the final room before you had to backtrack back to Leon. The remake showed Ashley waiting on the elevator to get to the final set of rooms. A proper comparison would have shown the remake Ashley grabbing the crest and fleeing the basement area, which would have led to the remake being seen in a more positive light as you’re running through a room of scattered hostile knights.

• The Krauser knife fight comparison is entirely off base and misrepresented. The original is a QTE sequence where the player simply listens to the back and forth and presses the prompts as they appear. The remake cutscene has very little in terms of the original dialogue, but it establishes the relationship between Krauser and Leon and acts as an introduction to the knife-only fight coming. The video also cuts out the remake’s in-game fight and skips right to Luis saving Leon, this isn’t much of an issue if you’ve played the game, but if you just watch hit-piece videos without any context, the remake looks absolutely worse.

• Blowing up the nest in the Ballroom in the original is equated to shooting the huge hive in the mines in the remake. As just stated, they aren’t even in the same area; they have the same function in each games’ canon however, that being where the Novistadors come from. The remake has 4 openings that can be shot to complete a side quest, in the original it can be destroyed to get all the jewels inside. Same concept, different implementation.

• “Women” being changed to “Story of my life” fits Leon better. He’s not a playboy, he’s an above-average guy that’s always caught up in B.O.W-related situations and often left without a full deck of cards. Ada also keeps him in the dark when she appears. Similar events keep happening to him.

• Most of the island portion is just ‘original 4 has better atmosphere’, which was established in the first portion of the video, the intro for the video would have been better to just show all these areas compared, probably save the Regenerador introduction for this part.

• The final rocket comparison is dishonestly portrayed. Saddler dies from the rocket in the original, in the remake it is used to open up Saddler for Leon to skewer him with the staff he carries around. You’d think they would like the actiony reimagining more.

• The post Saddler cutscene with Ada functions exactly the same, the remake just has less action movie melodrama tropes and worse v/a for Ada.

• The final cutscene dialogue with Ashley in the remake is written more tactfully and realistically. Rather than her asking Leon if he wants to smash junk together she asks if he wants to be on her security detail, an assignment where they’ll be in close proximity often. People can have infatuation with others without wanting to pound them into a puddle the moment they’re alone. Exempting the question about Ada is also valid, if Ashley likes Leon why would she care to know about another woman he knows but is clearly not dating?

The cut content lightning round:

• Gondola ride is missing, good.

• Castle gatling gun was replaced with the room with the big chandelier, the room is still there.

• Sewer section was fused together with the pit section leading to Verdugo, there’s no cells or shitty one-step puzzle so of course they missed it.

• Arc Axe traps never made sense in their placement and were just something to do after the sewer section, pointless filler.

• Floating cargo section that leads to the church ‘key’ was replaced with a more expansive section that had exploration, improved not cut.

• Split path was condensed down to the Bella Sisters fight because it was more unique and tonally consistent with the village’s last best effort to try and stop you, El Gigante fight route sucks ass anyways [from guy who always went down Gigante path because chainsaws scary :< ]

• Truck was parked in the remake because the path to the castle is cut off from the Ganado after the bridge blew up, there was no one to drive it. Pay attention to the story.

• Outside shot leading to the tomb/mine cart ride is missing because the mines leading straight to the mine cart ride makes more sense, sorry the set piece placement is logically placed.

• Cage fight with Garrador is referenced in the remake cutscene before the Ashley section, this fight is annoying and clearly just meant to drain your resources. Good riddance.

• What even is that wheeled contraption and why did Salazar have it built in the castle?

• The double rocket launcher room is where you get the goat head, right? Just a room where you fight a bunch of zealots, nothing of value is lost.

• Freeing Ashley doesn’t exist because she was never clamped to a trap wall in the remake, a better scene was written to separate them in the castle.

• The castle cart exists in the game without the view of the other castles in the background, you never go to them so there’s no point in even having them exist. There’s also an obvious seam in that jpeg on the left side lmao.

• U3 cage maze sucks and just drains ammo and tests QTE reaction time, boring.

• Giant Salazar exists but doesn’t stomp at you towards the clock tower because it’s IN the clock tower now. What a weird sequence, where else was the big mech going to go besides straight into the chasm anyways?

• Excavator trap hallway is missing, and I forgot all about it until I watched this video, what a memorable set piece.

• Castle crush ceiling lead to what exactly? I have to replay the original game because some of these castle cuts are not iconic in the slightest.

• We have evolved past the need for turret sections. The bulldozer ride is just a turret sequence that makes you use your own ammo rather than giving you an infinite weapon, like how the remake gave you a godlike unlimited Red9 for the mine cart ride.

• Laser hallway is just action movie schlock and the animation team jerking themselves (and Leon) to death, also a painful reminder than the live action Resident Evil movies exist.

• U3 doesn’t fit in the canon and its entire section is filler before Krauser. It(haha) might be back for Separate Ways, I’m not ruling it out.

• Why does Salazar have a lava room and why does it have fire-breathing dragon statues? The Spanish sure are weird and opulent.

• No flirting with Hunnigan, Leon’s not a playboy, he’s an above-average guy that’s always blah blah blah I said this already. Leon’s a cool action guy with little luck when it comes to the ladies, it’s more endearing and logical when you look at his RE2 debut.

Postmortem of Crowbcat’s video:

It was hilarious, and incredibly petty, to change the title and video description once people started criticizing this upload. Crowbcat made their points and people didn’t agree, maybe not overwhelmingly but not inconsiderably either. A majority of their videos are ruthless critiques of games and making a mockery of live gaming events, and for the most part the general gaming audience has agreed with their videos and the narratives they tell. This was the first time I’ve seen a video of theirs get push-back in a significant way, and, to disrespectfully assume based on their actions, they probably never would have assumed to be ‘wrong’ in their opinion either.

It reminds me a bit of another high-quality YouTuber (who you should subscribe and donate to btw) that had a controversial Resident Evil take: NeoCranium. To say they were unimpressed by the Resident Evil 2 Remake would be an understatement. As the collective gaming world enjoyed the game, Neo aired his grievances with the title, he was very articulate and justified his complaints. I read his post and thought, “This is all valid. His opinions and thoughts do not subtract from my own enjoyment of the game, I will respect this content creator by not arguing with his OPINION, such a thing cannot be wrong.” Others did not agree, and from what I could tell, Neo caught hell for having differing thoughts from the gaming collective for a good while before he was left alone about it.

Though similar situations, their channels are very different. NeoCranium makes edits of his streams with animations; Crowbcat makes videos that break down and analyze games and adjacent media, often with an uncharitable and objective demeanor. You’d go to Neo’s comment section to argue with him, you would go to Crowbcat’s comment section to argue with others about the subject matter. As far as I know Crowbcat doesn’t stream or really have a personality attached to his channel, it’s more like a content spectacle when a new video drops. It makes the title and description edits weird; I’ve never seen such a passive aggressive tantrum thrown like that from such a quiet (social media wise) channel.

Good on Crowbcat for changing the title back to its original state, the video description is good as well. I don’t agree with most of the video but that’s a difference in OPINION, something everyone is entitled to. If you don’t stand by your thoughts, even if they prove unpopular, you’re probably not worth listening to anyways.

Closing/Review Score

I think RE4 Remake is a 7/10; the texture loading issues, audio balancing, unrealized atmosphere, several below average/okay voice actors, the move away from reliable guns in favor of melee, and missing game content (Seperate Ways, Mercenaries characters, Assignment Ada to a lesser degree) are what keep an otherwise fun and easily replayable game from being its absolute best. It’s the best REmake so far, not counting the GC Resident Evil Remake; I have never played it and don’t really care to, so I have no opinion about it.

Yeah man...

'Why did I write these long-ass posts', you ask? I spent most of April off of social media to unfuck my addicted brain from it. I obsessed over this game to make up for it and didn't have a lot of people to talk to about it irl, so here it all is now lmao. Hopefully Separate Ways comes out soon and doesn't suck.

Hello, welcome back to another, and infrequent, text-based beating to your eyes and patience. I’m Surge, also known as [insert preferred Moyai here]. Like a lot of people, I have played the hit series Resident Evil; like a smaller group of people, my first ever RE title was Resident Evil 4, arguably the best one, and inarguably a landmark title in gaming. It, followed shortly after by Gears of War, made significant innovations that created the standard for 3rd Person Shooters going forward. It’s a shame Shinji Mikami never got to see the influence RE4 had on the gaming world, poor guy killed himself with a chainsaw after the PS2 port…

Anyways, RE4 was the first M-rated game I had ever completed start-to-finish and it made me realize: brutal, bloody violence in video games is awesome. It has a very special place in my heart, it was my entrance into officially getting into gaming; the worst, most expensive hobby that’s filled with the most obnoxious, annoying and detestable vermin I’ve ever had the displeasure of having to acknowledge the existence of. At least I’m not a Nintendo fan. Oh yeah, here’s my review of Resident Evil 4 (2023).

After hearing the dev team behind RE3 Remake would be making 4 Remake, I was as hesitant to the notion of even wanting it. Once Capcom took it back in-house and guaranteed the game will be reimagined and not a 1:1 remake, I was interested but not hyped. Once it arrived, and having watched each trailer several times in succession, I was beyond excited to see what they did to a game that was so substantial to forming my gaming tastes.

Gameplay

Having played the demo, I knew the game felt familiar but different from the original game; the shoot-and-melee strategy was alive and well, the movement felt great, and the parry was a nice addition that could negate damage and offer critical openings if timed perfectly.

On launch day I decided to play on ‘Standard’ difficulty, it implies it is the optimal difficulty for people who haven’t played the original RE4; something told me that it would probably be fine, Hardcore probably just has stronger enemies. As I shredded through enemies and made it to the Castle in a few short sessions I realized how many resources I had, I was surprised that I was so well-equipped for so long, even after boss fights and Ganado-filled gauntlets. I hardly parried because the enemies rarely had a chance to close-in on me. By the time I was midway through the Island, I was entirely annoyed by my lack of resources and the disappointing lack of staggers my guns were offering me. By the end of my first playthrough my impression was, “It feels fun to play, and I want to keep playing. Did I not upgrade my damage enough, or do the pistols just suck now?”

As the final cutscene of my first playthrough played out, Mercenaries was about to release at the end of the week. I easily got S ranks in every level and unlocked the Handcannon without knowing that was the way to get it without doing a fresh Professional run. As I saw the cool unlockable accessories (also Chicago Sweeper), and their requirements, I started reflecting on the parts of the game that annoyed me a lot to get through. At the time of editing this review, I have played through the game a total of 4 times and have only beaten it legitimately once; I have used HC, Sweeper, or Cat Ears in every other run.

I do not find the gun play as rewarding or fun as the original. I have not cared to learn parrying, or do any of the dev-provided challenge runs. Fighting Krauser really highlights how fun the parrying can be, I can’t help but feel pistols and their stagger potential were nuked from orbit so the enemies have a chance to rush you and offer the opportunity to parry. Every other weapon class feels satisfying to use, including the knife; it’s a new game with a new gameplay meta to master, I suppose I just don’t care enough to learn it like I did in the original RE4.

Visuals

The original RE4 came to the GameCube in 2005, nearly 20 years ago, to say the remake is graphically improved is entirely selling it short. RE Engine once again powers a beautiful game full of icky monsters and juicy gore. The characters are 3D scans of actual people, which leads to the cast being truly realized and life-like. Leon looks tired, Luis looks shady, and Ashley is very cute; everyone else is very much a realistically rendered version of their previous incarnation. Gore looks great and tentacle-y, and the monsters feel more present and intimidating than ever before, the El Gigante feels like you’re an insect trying to avoid being swatted by an absolutely massive beast.

Materials of clothing, items, and the environment look sharp and interact realistically with light and rain. The only real complaint I have is the loading for all these impressive assets, cutscenes sometimes have textures load in a literal second too late on Series S (and consoles in general, so I read). A lot of camera movement seems to make the game struggle to dictate which assets it can change the LODs of as they exit your view; I moved the camera away from a wall and then right back to it and saw the low-quality texture linger for several seconds before the high quality one pops in its place. It’s a bit more present than it probably should be, but it also feels like it could be remedied with an update fairly easily, the sooner the better.

As a quick aside, I feel as if they turned down the rain too much after the ‘controversy’ it had. It was absolutely too much in the early footage they showed off, but it’s hardly visible in the final game. I’ve played on a 4K HDR 43” television and a 1080p 28” monitor, nothing made the rain more visible.

When compared to the remake, the original RE4 has far more brightly lit areas. The newer game not only uses light to set the mood for an area, it also shows the passage of time, Leon has been in this crazy-ass village all day. Leon arrives in the very early hours of morning when the sky is still a deep blue, as he finishes the village onslaught dawn has completely broken. By the end of the game the long night has ended, and a new sunrise is seen. I enjoy the various shades the sun casts over the early sections, from the aforementioned blue morning trot to the first house, to the dark red hues seen in the fishing village right before the Del Lago fight. The dimmer lighting that rests over a majority of the game, that is meant to fill you with a sense of uncertainty and dread, it would before more effective if the next point was simply more present:

Sound

RE4 Remake has an issue with its sound that is a relatively new one for the series, it’s too quiet. The recent titles have chosen to highlight very specific aspects of their sound design, those being gunshots ringing through the environment, monster noises, and sometimes the music when a boss fight comes along. Other than that, the game is pretty silent other than Leon’s footsteps and breathing. I went back to listen to the game ambiance more attentively and realized that’s exactly the issue; you didn’t really have to listen for the rippling waves of water or the howling of wind in the 2005 release, the environment was louder than any action Leon did, aside from shooting.

The game suffers from a lack of atmosphere, the issue rests solely on the sound. Familiar environments have been built in a photo-realistic art style and are a joy to observe and traverse through. The effort is kneecapped by the quietness of the mixing; it makes it feel like you’re walking through a great UE4 fan recreation of the original village rather than the official remake of it. Silence is a strong tool for horror, as is overbearing loudness and seemingly normal soundscapes. Unfortunately, RE4 Remake utilizes almost none of them frequently. Parts of the game feel too safe as you pass through, there’s no questioning whether or not danger is ahead or right beside you; the sounds of footsteps are all there is to fill the air.

The music is also woefully absent from this title. There were combat themes for all three main areas in the original RE4, they weren’t bombastic or action-y, they were drenched with uncomfortable drones and sound effects that injected tension into every encounter. Even the tracks used to play while you traversed the dirt paths in the village have sounds of low winds echoing through the mountains around you; it succeeds in making player feel uneasy no matter if they are on playthrough #1, or permadeath run attempt #5. RE4 Remake certainly has great music, such as the Car Ride/Shooting Gallery theme, the Mine Cart track Thrill Ride, and Salazar’s boss theme are a few of the stand outs to me. There just feels like a woefully low, if any, amount of musical backing to the game outside of mini bosses, bosses, and set piece segments.

Characters

Resident Evil 4 Remake more than makes up for the original’s short comings in terms of its characterization and portrayal of its cast. The protagonists especially have seen a massive upgrade, the antagonists are a bit more of a mixed bag. Aside from 1, possibly 2, performances on the latter’s side there is very little to complain about; it doesn’t seem too hard of a task to update such iconic characters faithfully or substantially, most of the characters just need a bit more to do than just say a couple of lines and die.

Leon is no longer an overly cool and cocky, one-liner delivering, wannabe playboy that feels like a character entirely divorced from his previous, and later, appearances. He is depicted as being entirely unhappy of his forced servitude to the U.S government, he still spews one-liners, but the sass has dried into snark. He is still entirely confident in handling the series of horrors laid out before him, he just has no patience for anyone’s games and insists on getting to the point. The training and lessons Leon has gone through has made him far more resourceful and self-sufficient, it’s nice to see the skills and knowledge he’s acquired between RE2 and 4 be reflected through his actions in the remake. He doesn’t blindly trust strangers who seem to be on his side anymore, illustrated by having Hunnigan do research on Luis right away. Ghosts from his past reappear into his life and mean to disturb both his mission, and life, even more than the plaga-addled crazies of the village; regardless of these wrenches being thrown at him, he marches on with the same conviction he had when he was a rookie cop over his head in a zombie-infested police department. Leon hasn’t changed as much he insists he has throughout the game.

Ashley has also seen a great improvement to her characterization. Simply a young damsel to be saved in the original game, she quickly entrusts her life to Leon after hearing he is working for her father, George (GG EZ)W Bush. In the remake she doesn’t entirely trust Leon, but, due to lack of any better alternatives, is forced to take him at his word that he only wants to help get home. The hesitation makes sense when you realize the last blonde-haired American man she saw kidnapped her and brought her to a bug-worshipping cult in rural Spain. One trust-fall later and she is committed to staying glued to his hip, though clearly scared and overwhelmed by the insanity of her situation, Ashley proves capable of overcoming fear and pushing through the nightmare with Leon. Ashley even saves a trapped Leon this time around, her segment has shifted from ‘I need to get back to Leon’ to ‘Leon needs my help’ in tone and empowers the character in a way that isn’t a writer putting a pistol in her hand and saying, “She’s strong now, see?” Her progression in the story takes her from a frightened woman that just wants to go home, to a more confident one that playfully proposes the idea of teaming up with Leon as super agents to protect America. It’s a progressive building of their relationship, and of Ashley’s feelings for Leon; it makes the modified proposal she gives him in the last cutscene feel more natural.

Luis is a vastly improved character. In the 2005 release Luis lies and says he was a cop in Madrid before becoming a good-for-nothing lady’s man. Then says he saw a T-Virus sample in his local police department laboratory. Leon never questions it and trusts him completely. The remake breaks the mystery around him pretty early on, learning about his past actually helps cement a proper dynamic between Luis and Leon. He’s witty and plucky, which juxtaposes his exhausted face and regretful eyes, he’s a shifty man just trying to do what little good he can.

Ada is as mysterious as ever, she has a slightly new dynamic with Leon, in the way of wanting him to essentially abandon his current mission and run away with her, she seems to see the burden and regrets that weigh on him. Ada hasn’t changed much after that: She keeps her distance from him but offers information to assist his mission, only coming face-to-face with our rookie super cop when she absolutely needs to. It’s been said to death by this point, but her voice actress isn’t all that impressive; she didn’t deserve weirdo dipshits online harassing and threatening her over a fucking video game performance. Fucking losers.

Major Jack Krauser was given more to his character as well in the remake. Rather than being a completely random character that shows up in a cutscene with Saddler, and then surprising everyone by being former partners with Leon, he is established in the beginning cutscene as someone who our main character trained with as he was forced into his new career. His grizzled and scarred face lets you know he’s the expert that our baby-faced protagonist was the protégé to. Their dynamic gives validity to Krauser’s confidence in brazenly confronting Leon, his student is an incredible soldier, but one he knows everything about. His lust for power is similar to Wesker’s, but the difference between the two is their career paths; Wesker was a scientist for Umbrella and most likely knows far more about the viruses he’s pumping into himself whereas Krauser is a government operative-turned-mercenary who will take a body-warping parasite from a cult in Spain for a power boost. This isn’t to say Krauser is incompetent, he is just out of his depth and blinded by his infatuation with strength.

Mendez was just the big bald guy that was the last boss you fought before the castle segment. He didn’t really seem to have any other importance other than whooping Leon’s ass on occasion and giving an eyeball to get through a gate. In the 2023 title, Mendez is more clearly trusted by Saddler and in charge of the village. He injects Leon with Las Plagas after knocking him out, something Saddler had done by his zealots after restraining Leon and Luis in the original game. For such an overwhelming force to be a mere dutiful servant to another, the top of the food chain must be even more dangerous. Though not entirely a fleshed-out character, Mendez’s role in Saddler’s ranks is clear and his priestly occupation gives him a flavor of uniqueness that wasn’t there before. I wish his line delivery was a bit more forceful, but other than that, another nice improvement.

Salazar and Saddler are a bit more divisive in terms of their remake portrayals.

Salazar is noticeably more toned down compared to his original incarnation. He was an unhinged prankster that clearly loved using traps and hordes of zealots to sic on Leon, constantly taunting our hero as he blasted his way through the opulent castle; he only ever changed his behavior after being ‘tricked’ by Leon after dropping him into a spike pit. In the remake, Salazar is less playful and more sour towards Leon, seeing him as more of a nuisance rather than a plaything. He sadistic nature is still present, and highlighted greatly through obtainable notes, it simply lacks the childish glee the original Salazar had while inflicting woe on his ‘guests.’ He is also more overtly subservient to Saddler than in the 2005 title, where he seemed left to his own devices by the cult leader. He feels better integrated with the story now, it’s just a shame he and Leon he and Leon are missing some of their most iconic scenes from the original game. I miss the hat, but his new voice and delivery is much more compelling and achieves a true villain vibe, rather than ‘weird albino castle goblin with big bug bodyguards.’

Saddler has very clearly changed the most out of everyone in the cast. He is much more of a cult leader now, constantly using religious verbiage and touting the glory of the Las Plagas constantly. He truly believes infecting the world with these parasites will bring a holy utopia to humanity, his fanaticism feels as genuine as it is absurd. In the original 2005 title, Saddler is clearly the leader of the cult, but his personality and way of speaking betray his religious robes right away. His motivation for infecting humanity with Las Plagas is just to have the control, it seems. Much like Salazar, Saddler loses several memorable scenes with Leon, but unlike Salazar, his personality has not been preserved. Though the threat he poses to the world feels far more significant and realized in the remake, it came at the cost of everything that made him memorable as a villain. The only thread I can think of that they share is their uncaring attitude towards their confidants Mendez and Salazar, though remake’s attitude is more implied than stated; 2005 Saddler, after hearing Salazar is dead, had a reaction similar to saying, “Yeah, well that’s how it goes,” while 2023 Saddler didn’t even acknowledge Salazar’s death, it gave a sort of, “Such is the way this path takes us,” energy. Original Saddler is a villain, remake Saddler is an antagonist, it’s not hard to see why people prefer the former more.

Story

Resident Evil 4 Remake unsurprisingly has the same story beats and premise as the original GameCube game: Leon, now a certified government-funded badass, is tasked with saving the President’s daughter after she is mysteriously kidnapped. The search takes him to a rural village in Spain where he is escorts are quickly killed, leaving him alone and severely outnumbered by a population of unhinged killer villagers. Leon and Ashley are suddenly pawns in a cult’s conquest to infect all of humanity with a mind-controlling parasite, they must get rid of the freeloading bugs in their chests as it rapidly grows faster than the stack of bodies our protagonist piles up.

The primary difference between the two games is the writing, things are a lot more cohesive and thought out this time around. You would hope so, it can’t be too difficult to write a better script than one that was drafted in roughly two ½ weeks by Shinji Mikami. The main focus of the title was the gameplay, believe it or not. The nearly 20 years in between these games proved ample time to iron out all the kinks and inconsistencies in the narrative.

The biggest improvement is how Los Iluminados feels more like a multi-tiered organization, rather than a segregated group that has a top dog commanding their own pack of attack hounds. Mendez infecting Leon with a Plaga, rather than Saddler having his robed goons do it, is a simple change that shows that their zealous leader entrusts the towering priest to handle the happenings in the village. Mendez, as well as Salazar, also have more dialogue that references Saddler and their religious leader and Las Plagas being integral to their shared ambition.

In the 2005 release, Mendez just felt like a large guy that whooped your ass until you sawed him in half, Salazar felt like a bat-shit crazy bridge troll that was given too much power to torture people. They were meant to be subservient to Saddler but never really gave the impression that they actually had his confidence, which is only highlighted more by Saddler’s flippant reaction to Salazar’s death.

On the topic of 2005 Saddler, he doesn’t feel like a parasite worshipping fanatic, he comes off as a conman who came into knowledge of Las Plagas, used the guise of a religious leader to gain the population’s trust, and then inject Plaga eggs into them to make them wholly servile to him as their mining operations chugged along. His plan is to infect the President and then control the entire world eventually with Las Plagas, but to what end? He just sort of seems like he’s doing it for the joy of being villainous. The iconic parts of his personality are gone in the remake, but his genuine threat to humanity is far more emphasized, it’s a trade I’m willing to accept.

Luis being more present in the game is wonderful, his history of being a researcher for Umbrella finally brings a bit of nuance to the many faces that worked for the company. His story is a redemption arc; rather than just helping Leon and Ashley because they’re infected by a parasite he helped study, he wants to help Leon in an act of atonement for the tragedy of Raccoon City. His level of involvement with the incident isn’t entirely clear but knowing that he contributed to such an atrocity clearly haunts Luis all these years later. Leon is one of the few faces that made it out of the city alive, he’s a living reminder of what was lost inside a mushroom cloud; to Luis, risking his life for Leon and Ashley isn’t the right thing to do, it’s the only thing truly worth doing. His deal with Ada muddies this narrative a bit, he knows the potential of Las Plagas but is willing to sell it to a buyer whom he does not know the motivations of; trading over the Plaga sample will guarantee him a ride out of Spain, he doesn’t care to stop Los Iluminados or their plan because that goes against his self-preservation. Luis isn’t a perfect man, but he wanted to change, by the end he stuck his neck out for people who he didn’t stand to gain from. People can change.

Krauser does not work for Wesker in the remake, which also severs him from Ada. The decision to do this is a benefit to his character, he now has a more personal stake in his mission when he confronts Leon whereas in the original, he is fighting Leon out of obligation to not fail Wesker. Both versions of the character obsess about power, but only remake Krauser has any form of writing to justify why he seeks it. The teacher-student angle is a more compelling dynamic that them just being former partners, it ends with Leon having to witness the end of another mentor’s life as he continues down a path of hardship alone. They are two sides of the coin.

Closing

Capcom has been making an effort to realign and establish the official canon of Resident Evil in the recent remakes, RE4 Remake is absolutely their best effort so far. It preserves the original story while vastly improving its cast, reimagines the original layout of its environments so they’re familiar yet fresh, and offers updated controls that provide a fast and frantic experience that is highly replayable and customizable.

I have entirely burned myself out on the game at this point, having clocked in 66 ½ hours in the first 3 weeks. I achieved S+ on Professional, blasted through Assisted in under 4 hours for fun, unlocked all the bonus items except Primal Knife, and S-Ranked every Mercenaries level. This game has absorbed all my free and I’m not complaining about it one bit, I have come to a realization, however:

I don’t like playing the game above Standard difficulty. I like it when my guns stun enemies and feel powerful. I haven’t played on Hardcore yet, but after seeing multiple people complain about the difficulty, I don’t really care to. I will never attempt a ‘legitimate’ run of Professional because the ‘Perfect Parry Only’ modification is a restriction that limits your only genuine form of defense, seeing how you can’t rely on your guns to stagger enemies reliably, or at all, really.

If the enemies were more aggressive like in Professional, Standard would be the perfect difficulty.

I’d leave a number ranking here, along with a small list of pros and cons, but my full review will not fit in the Newgrounds character limit. I will post the second portion really soon, along with my numbered review score. I talk about two videos that pertain to RE4 Remake. Can you guess which ones??

Stay Tuned for:

Surge Watched RE4 Remake [Video Whinging, SCENARIO B]

The dream started with me at a college campus, I was doing a side missions with a bunch of weird misfits for some reason, that entire part of the dream was entirely disjointed and chaotic much like Max0r’s editing, so I don’t remember much. I do remember complaining about college towns, though I do not know what I said in specific. After that encounter I went home just as a carnival was beginning, it was dusk by that time. People started getting hurt in mass numbers because of how out of control it got. There was fire outside of my house even though I don’t know what could have been burning. Maybe the carnival turned into a riot, or maybe it was the Purge, I wasn’t too concerned.

(“Kaiju is the parasocial pal, he’s a big ass gold leviathan)

Anyways, Kaiju called me because he had been shot by someone. I sped over to his house, which was only around the corner from my home; when I walked in I saw a wounded, 9 foot long yellow python, I didn’t question that was him for a second. I wrapped him in shrink wrap to cover his wounds before I moved him to a vehicle to rush to medical assistance. He had me press a button on his belly, it was obnoxiously big and red, he said it would stabilize him until he got to the doctor. At first I didn’t know whether to go to a doctor or a veterinarian; in his weakened, dying state kaiju didn’t know either, he just said to pick which ever. 

I couldn’t find a hospital in this weird ass small town that had a shit load of traffic, so I went to find a vet. I got sidetracked by reminiscing about the side missions at the fucked up version of a Michigan university, and my complaints about college towns. After a montage of the montage I remembered kaiju was shot and dying, so I started paying attention to the road; I drove to a small-exterior-but-impossibly-large-interior cafe in hopes someone could lead me to a fucking vet. I guess that cafe was attached to a hospital because I filled out paper work for Kaiju. Service was denied without explanation. 

As I was about to leave in failure, I learned of a discord server that you could fill information out on and a vet will rapidly take your case; no one told me but I saw some lady using the server on her phone. As I went to fill out the form in the server the option to autofill was available, so I did that. That’s when I realized I had put “leviathan” down in the hospital medical information form, I chuckled to myself because I didn’t notice I did that earlier. (Why did they have those forms? That’s a HIPPA violation isn’t it?) In literally seconds I got a response and an address to a veterinarian clinic. 

I drove there, but I had to go through a stuffed toy cat obstacle course, there was a Snoop Dogg song playing over the PA system, I’m pretty sure the song was fake because he said ‘meow’ a lot. I also think Snoop was there and this was HIS obstacle course. Feeling the pressure, I started cheating through the course like Chell did in Portal, just going behind walls so I could get out and get to the goddamn vet. I eventually got out and realized there was an escalator by the McDonald’s plaza, it lead to the busy travel center I parked the suv at, Kaiju was still in the car wrapped in shrink wrap. After I grabbed him I went back down the escalator to find the clinic, I began feeling desperate because i could not find it. I clicked on the address and opened it in google maps and it said the building was right above me. 

I then went back up the escalator ands saw the clinic, I had done the Snoop Dogg’s obstacle course for nothing. I took Kaiju in, not going to lie, thought he’d be dead by this point; I picked him up at like 11:30 pm, it was like 3pm by the time we got there.  But he was alive in fact. The button that was on his belly actually saved his life, I thought.

As I waited in the lobby the news started playing on the tv, a story talking about a break-in and shooting was being told. The house was Kaiju’s, except it was more dire looking that I remember. Kaiju’s human called in the shooting after I took him to get medical assistance, apparently there was an altercation about money and drugs. Kaiju’s human was also eligible for the hit show My 600 pound life. (I have no ill feelings towards Kaiju, I don’t know why this happened in the dream, my b Kaiju :[ )

Turns out Kaiju was shot with an airsoft gun, just a shitty weak one you cock by hand, it didn’t even break the skin. I called him a fucking idiot when he rolled into the lobby in a wheelchair.

I then woke up suddenly in a sweat. It’s 5:39 am and I have one eye open trying to recant all of this while making a bunch of spelling mistakes. I’ll fix it when i actually wake up. (I am very tired now but i fixed most of the mistakes lmao)

Hey Newgrounds, the review below was for a discord I am in but it exceeded the character cap. So it's just for you guys!

It's a quick, negatively biased (is that a term, negatively biased?) experience of Kingdom Hearts 3; I've been marathoning the series since Sora was announced for Smash, so you can say I'm a bit burned out on the series at this point.

There's content spoilers but nothing too in-depth.

Enjoy or don't!

oKay I beat as mucH of 3 I'm willing to play. Here's the official Surge generalized review (I'll try to keep it short hoo-wee).

Critical mode was added in a patch after launch so that's why the game doesn't feel balanced for it, it made for an overall miserable experience (apparently proud mode is easy idk). I didn't care for any of the Disney levels except for the Pirates one because it's baby AC Black Flag. Summons, now branded Links, are as inconsequential as ever and there's no point in wasting magic on them. 

I'm honestly sick of the Disney aspect besides the reoccurring characters, either put the characters in unique situations or fuck off, I don't want to watch a worse version of Tangled or w/e. They hardly offer anything to the characters' growth so why bother?

Sora was meant to get the 'power of waking' in this game's journey only to have had it all along, he just needed Ventus to tell him. There's a shitload of open threads by the end, and the finale for Xehanort's story felt like there's no real resolution; it felt like beating Ansem in KH 1, except with less interesting fights and the feeling of "boy, can't wait to watch this shit keep dragging on."

Base game gets a Wowie I'm glad I stopped following this series after KH2 holy fuck/10

Re: Mind[ing you once more that Friends are my Power teehee lol] is a waste of money, just watch a competent person LP it on 2x speed and slow down when you see new shit. You get to play as other keybladers (deal with that lol) as you go through the same boss fights from the base game, playing as them is the "hard" mode for the dlc because a level 50 Sora can nuke every boss no problem. 

There is some unique stuff after the Xehanort trio fight: it's pretty short but sufficient, basic but cool, and "O SHIT LET'S GOO-- never mind I don't care anymore, kill this man, Sora," in that order.

It solves story issues but it's overpriced and pretty unnecessary. Until you realize there's more to this dlc.

Limit Cut is just the boss rush thing from KH2 FM but for this game's Org.13, they're all super bosses I guess. You kill them and Riku talks about the Secret ending, which leads into Kingdom Hearts More. It's just a teaser to give you more questions about the future, it also comes with a final super boss that's the hardest in the series from the looks of it.

I'm not grinding for level 99 or the fuckin Ultima weapon anytime soon so Nomura can fuck himself with Limit Cut and More LMAO

Kingdom Hearts 3 The End SIKE LOL gets a

N O T H I N G ' S

L I K E 

B E F O R E

/10

In late 2019 I put in for a 2-week vacation, I planned to spend it with my gf for her birthday and our anniversary. By the time it rolled around Covid-19 was in full swing and I spent those two weeks playing Red Dead Redemption 2, it was a pretty cool game and I definitely wouldn't have had time to play it otherwise. Also thanks Xbox Game Pass for letting me play it for free, that kicked ass.

Anyways, this isn't a review of a coof-land vacation in 2020, this is about a coof-land 'vacation' in 2021!

For the first time in my 27 year-old life I flew on an airplane to Texas, it was for a surprise birthday party that was foiled due to the weather. After waking up early I loaded up and headed to the airport, getting through TSA wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, it's been terribly over-hyped as a dreadful experience. Skipping ahead, I finally boarded the plane with my gf and soon we were on our way to the last untamed frontier in America; popping ears and cramped seats couldn't take away from the fact that flying rules and being anxious about the flight was foolish after all. A few hours later we landed in the land of cowboys and took an Uber to our next stop, we met up with my gf's sister, she drove us to our hotel and I must say: nothing made me feel more American than seeing a gun range right next to our hotel; that feeling only intensified when we noticed the Walmart and Cracker Barrel immediately behind the building the next morning.

The next day was our anniversary, being fresh-eyed to Texas we were taken to a big ass two-floor mall and went shopping for sweet new duds. You may say 'two-floors? That's not that big, what are you, a small-town hillbilly?' And to that I say MAYBE SHUT UP. A few hours later my gf and I arrive at PF Chang's, we ordered fried calamari and it was delicious, like most fried food. I ordered spicy ramen and it was as tasty as it was salty, it was a good evening out. (Hmm, I wonder if that salt thing comes back later...)

Day 3 in rooty-tooty land was the surprise birthday party, we woke up early to do some quick shopping for imported Japanese-text Attack on Titan manga volumes and other weeb items. We also grabbed 'bento boxes' for lunch which were pretty dang good. Fast forward several hours (and a quick nap) later and we're on the way to celebrate the birthday, play golf, and drink liquor; I power though a headache that decided to plague me after the aforementioned nap. We returned to the hotel as night falls and ordered wings for delivery, as we waited for our meal to arrive TRAGEDY STRUCK.

Turns out I definitely wasn't drinking enough water since arriving to Texas and my splitting headache was the first sign I was in for a bad time. I never knew what heat exhaustion felt like or how awful it was until I was hurling out my organs into the hotel room toilet, the worst part of getting stomped out by the sun was I didn't get a chance to eat those sweet ass wings. My gf watched over me as I laid in the bed with a cold wash cloth over my forehead, ensuring I was drinking water to rehydrate and resting. I couldn't blame her for eating some of the wings, they smelled delicious.

The following morning I felt great, albeit hungry and sore of throat from throwing up everything I ate and drank the day before; after smashing on the now cold wings we prepared for the day. Our next activity was at a pool/water park/ whatever-it- is-I-don't-know-get-off-my-case; it had a lazy river attraction, a big ol' water slide and a swim-up pool bar. Yeah I had a drink, yeah I got sun burned because I didn't put on enough sunscreen, but what DIDN'T happen was the sun cooking my guts out again. I was packin' plenty of water, the sun can't win in a fair fist fight that's why it stays in the sky and beams rays onto us. Truly a coward if you think about it.

Anyways, later that night we went to a giant arcade with laser tag, cart racing and various VR experiences. We just played the floor games because I wasn't about to sign a waiver in the case my bones got all crunched up from a radical carting incident; there was a Halo light-gun game and that was cool enough for me, it was like I was actually John Halo himself no less. Some drunk guy was belting the toy bowling ball so hard he broke the machine, that ruled. My gf got the 1,000 ticket reward on the Willie Crash game, she's a true alpha gamer if I ever saw one. There is also a Space Invaders light-gun game that will absolutely melt your eyes out of their sockets if you do too good just to make you lose, I still can't believe there wasn't an epilepsy warning on it.

Our final day was quiet and relaxed as we waited for our departure time to near, the flight home was later in the evening so seeing cities lighting the ground below was cool. I watched episode one of the Adult Swim show Primal, it rocked and I have to watch the rest of it at some point.

All I'm trying to say is: my trip kicked ass, and Texas is too dang big to see in just 4 days.

-- YEE-HAW ZONE --

• Golf Points: 18
• Manga Bought: 03
• Meals Ejected: 02
• Wings Ate: 04
• Highway Merges Missed: 03
• Arcade Jackpot Earned: 416
• Aliments: 02
• Cowboys Seen: 00

RANK: SSS